From New Year’s Eve resolutions to annual professional development goals, our struggles may start as early as the planning phase. How do we choose the most important thing to accomplish? And then, how do we push through the obstacles that we can already anticipate?
The way we talk to ourselves has a profound impact on what we achieve. And one simple word can make all the difference: and.
The “Or” Fallacy
We do this thing as humans where we arbitrarily construct either-or situations. Either I stay in this job or do something I love. Either I complete my to-do list or spend some time on me. When forcing ourselves to choose only one of two good options, we create a formula for disappointment and discouragement.
When we reconstruct either-or situations using “and”, the dilemma disappears. I will stay in this job and do something else that I love. I will complete two items on my to-do list and then take a walk. Opening ourselves up to the possibility of “and” allows us to creatively and thoughtfully chart our success.
The “But” Sabotage
Another place where we can benefit from substituting “and” is where we otherwise use “but”. Think of this phrase: Your analytical skills are good, but. . . . The “but” seems to discount what comes before it (the compliment) and emphasize what follows (the criticism). As if we don’t suffer enough of this sabotage in conversations with others, we also do it when talking to ourselves. I should follow up with that new prospect, but I don’t know what to say. I need to look prepared but I don’t have time to practice.
We discount our own ideas when we immediately focus on why they may not work. Instead, we can acknowledge the obstacle and address it. I should follow up with that new prospect and I will need to write down some ideas before calling. I need to look prepared and I will need to change my schedule. By disabling “but” we adopt a solutions mindset focused on our desired achievements.
Introducing more “and” into our internal conversations opens up new opportunities in how we think, what we do, and who we are. And that is a beautiful thing. Happy new year!