Four Things I Learned (or Remembered) from My Husband’s Unemployment


The iMessage popped onto my screen on a Thursday morning.


“I got laid off. I’m at AT&T getting a new phone.”

“Are you kidding?” I asked, desperate for an alternative truth.



This was not our first rodeo, so I knew the initial steps on the husband’s job loss to-do list:

  • Get a personal cell phone
  • Update friends and family
  • File for unemployment
  • Transfer health insurance
  • Cancel the cleaning lady
  • Start networking

Of course the logistics are easy to plan, and fairly easy to implement. Like most changes and challenges, a job loss can be confronted with a to-do list, but it takes more than checkmarks to turn it into an opportunity. The way we approach, plan, play, and collaborate defines how successfully we navigate major transitions.


Find a positive perspective

It was hard to not see the latest of my husband’s job loss as the most difficult yet. This time around, I owned my own business. Kal’s job had provided the stability in our household. We had relied on his employer to supplement our health insurance and 401K. We had become accustomed to the reliability of bi-weekly deposits into our checking account. We had taken for granted our ability to easily get a low-interest loan.


But being a business owner also made some things easier. We had become accustomed to the financial uncertainty that defines entrepreneurship, so our threshold for money-related stress had become relatively high. And between clients, community leaders, collaborators, and networking acquaintances, I had grown an expansive network of colleagues who were now potential employment resources.


Thoughtfully consider options and decisions

In working and non-working worlds alike, things often move slower than we would like. We can let this drive us crazy (the easy but not very rewarding approach) or we can take a breath and embrace the mystery of progress.


If we open ourselves up to explore and ponder possibilities, we are likely to discover outcomes we hadn’t considered. Unless we are sure that the quickest solution will align with our long-term goals, we will likely benefit from avoiding the easy way out. Kal—who is not typically described as patient—diligently explored options before deciding on his ideal opportunity.


Almost anyone can find a replacement for what is lost or taken away. And while the temptation to jump back in before the impacts accumulate, the successful person who is between opportunities takes his time to explore and clarify what he really wants to do. This includes determining what success looks like and then evaluating potential opportunities based on those metrics. (Score another point for Kal.)


Enjoy the present

Carpe diem should be easy when you have 40-50 hours of discretionary time added to your schedule. Sadly, the stress of losing a job or other unwelcome transition tends to weigh us down rather than lighten us up. We may embody a sense of dire urgency to “get through this”, or feel depressed and do nothing.


When a loss of income is involved, it’s easy to use money as an excuse to avoid fun activities. It may require creativity, but there is almost always enough time and money to do something enjoyable. This summer, we had a great time with these “staycationing” activities: camping, museum visits, hikes, swimming, cooking, Netflix binge watching. If money isn’t the obstacle to fun, time probably is. It’s rare that someone clears our calendar for us, so it’s up to us to take that initiative.


Ask for—and accept—help

As a connector-collaborator type, I am eager to help others find and pursue opportunities that may benefit them. I enjoy introducing synergistic professionals and potential friends. When I see a need, my natural inclination is to help address it.


But when it comes to asking others to do direct these types of efforts toward me (or my husband), I have to push myself to do it. Even with the confidence that I would happily do it for others, I find it unsettling to ask for introductions, meetings, feedback. But I did it. In Kal’s case, his offer came from someone in his network, not mine. But some of the people I connected him with helped him know this was the right path for him.


Thank you to everyone who helped through the transition surrounding my husband’s job loss. It was enlightening and character-building. It was also painful. But sometimes that’s how growth starts.

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