I recently observed a conversation in which a woman was admitting her frustration with a colleague. She vented that she “just can’t stand” the person, who she described as self important and overly talkative. I couldn’t help but wonder if he would interpret her quiet style as self important and non-participative.
Our different behavioral styles predispose us to instantly “like” certain people and “dislike” others. We may avoid approaching potential friends or mates based on the way they behave. But in a professional setting, we usually can’t avoid others just because they bother us.
So, what do we do? “Grin and bear it” is a popular strategy but it avoids the real issue: a conflict in behavioral style. Understanding our style—behaviors where we naturally thrive and those where we struggle—can be a helpful way to understand why some people drive us crazy. Ideally, it also helps us predict what we do that may bother others.
In one of my first jobs after college I worked for a very detail oriented manager. He would point out the tiniest of imperfections. I thought he was anal retentive and unhelpful. He probably thought I was careless and ineffective. Attention to detail was one of his strengths. Now I understand that for me it’s a weakness. Instead of avoiding highly detailed people, I seek them when they can complement my strengths. And in an effort to keep them from getting frustrated with me, I pay special attention to the way I interact with them.
The beautiful thing about different behavioral styles is that we can benefit from each other. We just have to remember that what we don’t like may actually be what we do need.
Great post. Thanks for sharing!!